Remember me? No, don’t blame you. Once again it has been quite a while since a post has gone up on Beck In A Blog. There has been many reasons behind this, but mostly it’s just because I didn’t want to write a blog post. I know this may not be what people want to hear, because bloggers are meant to be happy and post cute pictures and…well, I don’t know. I don’t know if I really am a blogger. Don’t get me wrong, I do really enjoy it when I get into the swing of things, but sometimes I just feel the pressure to be constantly posting and to be constantly putting out good content – especially because myself, as a perfectionist, won’t allow anything to go public if I’m not completely with how it looks at the time. I guess you could say that lately I’ve been reflecting on a lot of things, and to be honest I don’t really know if this post is making an sense at all. But I’d like to think I’m generally quite personal with my readers. (Oh speaking of which, a couple weeks ago I hit 500 followers! Can you quite believe it?!) I do always keep you updated on what I’m doing with my life be that family, relationships, work, and many other aspects of my life, and recently one of the bigger factors in my life changed.
Me and my boyfriend broke up.
Like I said, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll know that I spoke constantly about how I was working (sometimes more than one job at once) to save up money and move back down to London to move in with my boyfriend. Well clearly that’s not the case anymore. There’s not really much of a story or any gossip in terms of the end of our relationship, neither of us did anything terrible, neither of us cheated, neither of us told the other we didn’t love them anymore, nothing like that. I guess it was more like a gentle decline. I suppose you could say we drifted apart, became different people. That’s what people usually say, isn’t it? I think that works for us. In the end I think it probably was my ‘fault’. I decided that perhaps the plan we always had wasn’t really what I wanted any more, and really I don’t feel like I should be the one to compromise my job, my friends, my family, and he didn’t want to do the same. So sometimes it comes down to making the decision of what will make us happier both right now, and in the long run, because to be honest I don’t think either of us are particularly happy right now.
I actually initially thought about writing this post because I recently watched a video on YouTube by Hazel Hayes (Chewing Sand) where she shared her moments from the month and talked about how she was going through the same thing as I was. I bawled like a baby. It’s been over a month since we broke up and I don’t think I ever had that stage all girls are meant to have where you stay in bed eating ice cream straight from the tub and crying over Bridget Jones’s Diary. I feel like that’s allowed when you end a four year relationship right? I sort of feel like I was pushing it to the back of mind and just pretending it never even happened. Because then that means it’s not real. And of course that’s not a healthy way of looking at things – I know that. But it’s a lot easier than accepting your life has been turned upside down. I feel somewhat numb, and kind of empty, and I know that sounds really very sad but don’t feel sorry for me because I’m not the first person to go through a breakup and I certainly won’t be the last. I think I just need to write this for me – my form of venting – because isn’t that what I started this blog for in the first place? No it’s no makeup look, or beauty review, or anything cute and girly but this is what’s going on right now with me. But I can promise you there will be much more cute and girly stuff to come on the blog pretty soon because this isn’t me packing it in or anything. I’ll get back to this eventually.
So moving on, the time is about 6:45am right now and I’m currently sat in a Costa at Heathrow airport in London, one eye on the departures board waiting to find out what gate I’m departing from. I’m heading to Abu Dhabi and then on to Perth, Australia and I shall stay there for the next three and a half weeks – and Lord know’s I need it. It feels a little like making an escape, but also this was somewhat of a planned trip. My Australian bestie, Madi, is getting married and of course I wouldn’t miss that for the world. Although I’m already looking at all the destinations on the departures board and planning where I want to go next.
So there you go. That’s me right now. A little sad, a little empty, but also a little optimistic. Because right now I’m looking out at the twinkly little lights and the planes taking of to exciting destinations and I know that if anything the next three weeks of my life will be wonderful, and I have the most amazing friends and family waiting for me back home too.
I love you all. Do let me know, how have you been?